Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize