I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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