my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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