Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
