does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
