Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
