WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
