I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
