i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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