I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She announced her abortion via fbk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
