Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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