So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want to fling myself into the sun
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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