Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
