I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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