We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize