yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
