On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
