using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
