those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
