my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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