I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
