just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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