Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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