"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
