does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
