I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
