Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I could fuck to npr.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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