No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
