im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize