I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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