Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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