his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
