i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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