So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
