i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
someone owes me an orgasm
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
