Screwed.edu
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
