No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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