I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
