so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
