Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
