Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
