Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
