at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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