he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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