How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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