who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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