ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there's paper in my vomit.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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