There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
