I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
