Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
