Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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