my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
