remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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