we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize