those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
