mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
