i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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