I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
