there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
