So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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