pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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