Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
