morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
