She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
