he told me I talked like a deaf person
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
