I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
