his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
