If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
