White coat. Heels.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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