all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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