The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
