smell my finger.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
