dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
