I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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