If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
