i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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