your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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