All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
