WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
