There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
