just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
