the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize