just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
