Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My bed smells like the plague
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
